I will have to admit that it is more than a little daunting for me to be up here this morning speaking to you about patriarchy, After all, as a woman, I can't be presumed to be totally unbiased about the topic. But I hope that it will ease your mind to learn that the major text for this sermon is a book by a man, Allan G. Johnson. Is that a sexist statement? Maybe. The book, The Gender Knot is subtitled Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy and is a thoroughgoing denunciation of the downside of patriarchy in our history and our culture today. Perhaps you have heard the idea that each minister has only one sermon that just keeps getting reworked in different ways - For me that sermon is about affirming and promoting "the Inherent worth and dignity of every person" - the first of our seven UU principles. And I believe the dismantling of patriarchy is one of the ways that we can honor that inherent worth and dignity that I believe to be a part of all people - whatever their gender.

I would like to begin my analysis of the downside of patriarchy with a short reading from a play version of "The Diary of Adam and Eve" by Mark Twain. It is a humorous recounting of the beginnings of the "gender knot."

The play opens with Eve saying:

"I am almost a whole day old now. I arrived yesterday - or was it day-before yesterday? It could be that it was the day-before-yesterday and I wasn't noticing. Very well, it will be best to start right and not let the record get confused, for some instinct tells me that these details are going to be important to historians some day. For I feel exactly like -- an -- experiment. Yes, experiment! My, that's a good word. No one could feel more like an experiment than I do. I'm convinced that is what I am: an experiment. So the, if I'm an experiment, am I the whole of it? --- No, I think not. Though I am the main part of the experiment the rest has its share in the matter. --- Is my position assured or do I have to watch it and take car of it? --- I will have to be watchful, for some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price of supremacy. Not a bad phrase for one so young."

And interspersed between this dialogue by Eve, Adam says:

"This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. --- It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company. --- I wish it would stay with the other animals. --- Perhaps if I keep a chronicle of my thoughts, it will take my mind off that creature. - Cloudy today, wind in the east; think we shall have rain. - 'We'? Where did I get that word? . . ."

And so our plot begins; for here we are millions of mythical years later, still dealing with the ways in which women and men are trying to get along - faced with the patriarchy that, in some ways, was supported by this early biblical story in which the first woman was created from the rib of a man and was the cause of his downfall in the garden of Eden. (As a high school biology student I remember being surprised to learn that men and women actually had the same number of ribs - something that creationists are still trying to explain - or not.) And we Unitarian Universalists are the heirs of that original refusal not to subject our minds to the strictures of control from some external source. We continue to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge. So why are we still caught in the branches of patriarchy? It would seem that we should have learned better by now.

By definition patriarchy is a system in which the male of our species dominates others - both female and male. It is not the fault of any single man or group of men but a way in which we have learned to live in western society (although there is extensive anthropological evidence that it has not always been that way). And it is supported in our culture by the complicity of both women and men. According to author Allan Johnson, this system binds us in what he calls a knot of "fear, anger, blame, defensiveness, guilt, pain, denial, ambivalence, and confusion" Quite a list - and he says that, fueled by fear and control "the more we pull at the knot, the tighter it gets." (4)

We need to recognize that as far as female and male are concerned, the difference is biological. However equality is political, ethical, and social concept.

In the past - and even today - the female /male relationship has been male "power over," relegating women to certain types of opportunities. I know that is hard to hear, but it is true. When I was first looking at possibilities for my future career in the 60's, there were three basic choices for women. I could be a secretary, a teacher, or a nurse. Well, I didn't like blood and I didn't type - so I became a teacher. - Now that is a little simplistic, and it is not the whole reason. I really felt a call to teaching. But my options were very limited. Now here I am over 40 years later in a profession that would have been almost impossible for me then. And we UUs are very proud of the fact that 51 percent of our ministers are women. But then we have to look at the ministers of our largest churches. Guess what! Most of the ministers of those churches are still men. Although we can certainly be proud of our progress, we still have a long way to go.

Has it bothered you yet that I keep talking about "women and men" rather than "men and women"? Good! Even that simple grammatical convention tells something about our social structure. And up until fairly recently - and even today by some people - (you?) - we talk about "man" or "mankind" when we mean all of those in our society - leaving out over 50% of the population. It is a small thing, but I think that it is important. Some of you have heard me tell the story of my conversation with local interfaith clergy in which I questioned the use of the male pronoun when talking about God. I said "he?" To which a local rabbi jovially cautioned: "Don't go there, Betty."

So what are the steps to get beyond patriarchy in our lives?

First, according to Johnson, we have to admit that patriarchy exists. Sounds simple - right?

But, as with so many other things in our lives, "simple" is often more difficult that we think and the only way out is through it. Pretending that there are no gender differences is one way to support oppression. And just because we don't want to acknowledge that oppression and privilege exist does not mean that they are not there. Perhaps you have heard the story of the little fish who found out that the most important thing for his existence was water. In a panic, he swam from one place to another, asking all the other fish that he met where he could find some water. None could answer him until he finally met a wise old fish (female?) who told him that he was surrounded by water. What a revelation. The danger is that we have become so used to our patriarchal environment (like the fish in water) that we don't recognize it for what it is.

What are some of the examples that you can think of in your life?

If you are a woman who works outside of the home or if your female partner works outside of the home, is she also expected to manage most of the household responsibilities in addition to her outside job?

Do you think of women who stay home instead of working for a salary as not having a "real job"?

Do you believe that women who point out the inequalities of income for women who do the same job as men are gripers and complainers?

Do you believe that men have been victimized by feminists who want to emasculate them and that men must join together to oppose this effort?

Do you believe that patriarchy was a problem in the past but has largely ceased to exist today?

Do you automatically assume that doctors and lawyers are going to be men?

Do you wonder whether a woman's emotional makeup would allow her to be an effective president of the United States?

Do you believe that patriarchy may be a problem for others but not for you?

Do you recognize the implications of patriarchy for your wife, your female partner, your daughter, your mother?

Do you recognize the way in which you (either as a female or a male) benefit from patriarchy?

Do you laugh at jokes that portray women as "less than" men?

But this is not about guilt and shame. They don't work in the long term. This is about paying attention and taking responsibility for our place in the spectrum of patriarchy. As Johnson says: "This is about all of us." We all need to encourage a greater awareness of the problem of patriarchy in our own lives.

Our "Bridge Called Respect" group is doing that. But then what?

Then - we need to do something about it. We have all heard the expression that "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem."

And I believe the excuse that the problem is too pervasive for us to have any real effect on the solution is a cop-out.

There are things that we can do. Johnson suggests that we can:

1. Make noise. Patriarchy feeds on silence. When we see inequality, we can name it and refuse to collude in the lie.

2. Find small ways to withdraw our support for the patriarchal status quo - not laughing at a sexist joke or supporting others in sexist statements.

3. Dare to make others feel uncomfortable, beginning with ourselves. For example, asking questions of the local school board about why most of the administrators and principals are male when most of the teachers are female.

4. Openly choose and model alternative paths to patriarchy and help to change systems that are organized around patriarchal values and male privilege.

a. Speak out for equality in the workplace - support equal pay for equal work.

b. Support the well-being of mothers and children and defend a woman's right to control her body and her life.

c. Speak against harassment of women wherever it occurs and support women who are victimized by male violence.

d. Question the free distribution of violent pornography that victimizes women.

e. Oppose all the ways in which women are devalued.

f. Support the right of women and men to love whomever they choose. The persecution of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people is yet another way in which patriarchy has disenfranchised all of us.

g. In fact, we need to oppose all forms of oppression that have the same roots - Racism, ablelism, ageism, homophobia

And this is not just a job for men. We all need to join together to combat the tyranny of patriarchy that limits all of us. It wont be easy, but the results will be worth it for all of us. We can get beneath the stereotypes of male and female to find the joy of shared responsibility to make our families our community and our world a better place because women and men have been here together.

Women and men are very different biologically, but our futures are unavoidably intertwined. In Gender War, Gender Peace, Elizabeth Hingston and Aaron Kipnisit are quoted as saying, "Mutual empowerment is in the best interest of both sexes, because when one sex suffers, the other does too."

In closing, I would like to share with you the concluding dialogue in "The Diary of Adam and Eve" when Adam says:

"Oh, yes. The word "we" multiplies. And in the simple mathematics of life, we must learn to conquer the things that divide.

And Eve asks: "Oh, Adam, do you miss the Garden? Do you regret our move?" and he says, " Wherever you are, there -- is Eden." And then, just when I was beginning to like the guy, he says: "By the way, what are we having (for dinner)?

To which she answers: "Oh, I thought brontosaurus steak, with potatoes and fern salad. And for dessert - uh - the usual"

And he says: "I know. Apple pie."

We are in this creation together. I believe that we need to find a way to unravel the knot of patriarchy by affirming and promoting the inherent worth of every person. Let us begin here - now. I believe that Eden is still possible.